Part 9: the reception

The reception. Stephanie went with a sexy black dress, Axl went with something he borrowed from the Liberace estate.

Looks like MTV veejay and host of Headbanger’s Ball Rikki Rachtman was invited.

That’s a blatant conflict of interest. I for one don’t think that MTV’s journalists should co-mingle with the artists that they cover. I’ve written to MTV several times about this.

Slash toasts reluctantly.

Bass Player toasts with glove, because he's a germaphobe.

Everything seems fine. The world’s most ridiculous wedding band plays.

The old people dance.

And Peach Dress Girl is orgasmically happy.

The end.

Part 10: disaster

Hardly!

Remember those storm clouds I mentioned? Here comes the rain. Everybody panic!

This Fabio wannabe jumps through the cake. Completely unnecessary.

Next thing you know Stephanie is dead. Axl and the gang are devastated. Slash is in too much pain to even button up his shirt.

I mentioned that Stephanie’s face was perfectly symmetrical. To make sure everyone remembered that they put a mirror down the center of her casket so the mourners would say “Boy, she sure was symmetrical.” In my younger days I could never figure out what the deal was. Turns out it’s a mirror.

Part 11: the moral of the story

Stephanie’s rain death reveals the true meaning of this video. It’s a cautionary tale about the dangers of acid rain. And almost fifteen years before An Inconvenient Truth. Eat your heart our Al Gore. Notice how the color of the funeral bouquet subtly changes.

It represents global warming.

Why is Axl so sweaty?

Isn’t it obvious? Global Warming! This is a real problem, people! And what are we doing about it? Does Guns n’ Roses need to reunite before we stand up and take notice!

Waitaminute…

A wikipedia search reveals that the story

describes the misery of a former multiplatinum blues-influenced rock star, now so drunk and drug-addled he never knows what day it is, who reminisces over an on-and-off-again relationship. He leaves this erstwhile girlfriend a telephone message, becomes concerned when she doesn't answer, and then goes to her apartment, kicking down her door to find she had just shot herself in the head while listening to his music.

Well. I seem to have completely misinterpreted the whole point of the video. It’s not about global warming at all. Just the typical “sad-rock-star-dead-girlfriend” story. What a bunch of crap. This blog was needless. Hmm.

Part 12: where are they now?

In 1993 Guns n’ Roses was the most popular band in the world.



But that wasn’t enough for Axl. After Stephanie’s death he was inconsolable and took to showering with his clothes on.

Eventually he took time off from the band and poured his heart and soul into designing and marketing the “Air Axl” sneaker.

The shoes did not sell well at all. That was the last straw for Axl. While traveling on a cargo ship delivering the unsold shoes to third world countries, he threw himself over the side.

He survived the fall, but was savagely killed by a pack of angry dolphins.

Luckily, Axl had been cloned at the height of his popularity.

The Axl clones have been working on a new album, “Chinese Democracy,” for years. Unfortunately creative disagreements between Axl #2 & Axl #3 and Axl’s Ghost have caused delay after delay.

Supposedly the album will come out this fall, which will inevitably lead to lawsuits over royalties (the Axl clones feel that they deserve more than the ghost since they're so much more corporeal).

Slash still travels the world performing awesome solos whenever the urge strikes him.

And Bass Player? Nobody cares about Bass Player, but in case you do want to know, his pancreas exploded.

And there you have it.